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Superbowl Commercials

February 7, 2010 Comments off

Is it me, or did the Superbowl ads this year lean even more to the “dude, women are trying to hold you down and steal your SOUL” narrative? “Dude-bro” commercials are pretty solid but Jim Nantz telling a dude to take off his skirt? Dudes who do chores so they can drive a Dodge – MAN’S. LAST. STAND.? That’s not just . If man’s last stand is a Dodge Charger, menfolk are dead.

The Musical Beaver Monster.com ad was pretty funny. And I appreciated Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo as the Griswolds. Take a look at CBS’ compilation of the Superbowl ads and tell me what you think.

And of course, congrats to the Saints for a thrilling win, an awesome onside kick, the patience to weather a Colts attack, and Drew Brees, once too short to be an effective QB is now a Super Bowl MVP. And by the way, Queen Latifah’s performance was ROUGH.

Transplanted New Yorker and now Midwesterner Peter a/k/a Pico writes for Johnny Jungle , doing the Calm Before the Storm posts and also for the Church of Bracketology. Pico is also on Twitter, @ECoastBias.

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“…we in here talkin’ bout PRACTICE”

July 24, 2009 Comments off

Just as Allen Iverson twists in the wind as a free agent, waiting for someone to make him an offer worthy of his talents…

A great, great mashup with a solid beat of Iverson’s “practice” rant, Jim Mora on “p-p-PLAYOFFS?”, Dennis Green’s “they are who we thought they were” (which I never thought was that outrageous), Mike Gundy’s “I’m a man! I’m 40!” tirade, Joe Namath’s “I want to kiss you” leer, and Terrell Owens’ crying with emotion about his quarterback.

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Categories: funny, pro basketball, Sports, video

Paulus to Syracuse

May 14, 2009 Comments off

Greg Paulus has chosen his one-year college football destination. The former star QB is going home to Syracuse to play QB for the Orange, and hopefully start. Wait, but… how do you flop in football?

And what’s the equivalent of getting dunked on?

And does Deron Washington have football eligibility left, too?

I’m just playing, I bet Paulus will prove that football was his better sport, anyway.

Categories: funny, Sports, transfers

Ashley Biden, CitiField Sliding, Final Four Arriving, and Guitar Hero Metallica

March 30, 2009 1 comment

Ashley Biden

Oh man. Ashley Biden (Joe’s daughter) has a “friend” trying to sell photos of her doing cocaine. Cue the "they did it to Bristol Palin" Republican crowd, the kind of people who prove our whole nation is filled with effing stupidity…

Word is coming out that Ashley Biden’s "friend" planted the camera out of sight. Nice work, tool. And which Presidential kids (Patti Davis, Dubya) DIDN’T do cocaine…? Dear America: rich kids still do lines. Photo taken from NY Post

And Northern Cali had an earthquake… thanks, Facebook friends for letting me know. The master of the end times, Glenn Beck, gets an article in the lib’rul New York Times…. Phantom Alert is software that allows your GPS to find red light and speed traps/ cameras so you can avoid them… a musical version of the movie Heathers is going to the stage – Kristen Bell has been reading for Winona Ryder’s role.

Now for Sports. College basketball links at the end.

* Thanks to Uni Watch I know about Google’s hosting of Life Magazine images from the 1860s through the 1970s. I could look at old photos for days, but this one of Tom Seaver crying gets me every time. Type in mets source:life in your google browser.

* There was a deadly stampede in an Ivory Coast/ Côte d’Ivoire football/ soccer match. 19 people died. I link to the BBC coverage because at least there, the comments below the article aren’t a-hole savages who say things like "typical black people" and "animals" and "Barack Obama blah blah hate" such… same stampedes happen worldwide when soccer is involved.

* In happier news, the US Women’s Professional Soccer League started play yesterday, and it was a solid game, a victory for the Los Angeles Sol. The Brazilian footballer Marta was quick as hell. The Fox Sports production left a little to be desired, and I’d like to hear better, more analytical announcing vs. "gosh this is historic!" talk (though both Jenn Hildreth and Mark Rogondino have some soccer/ football in their background), but I enjoyed watching it.

* Fans came out for the first game at CitiField, but the hometown St. John’s baseball team couldn’t beat Georgetown. FYI, the bathrooms are clean (quotes near end of article). I would hope, no one’s been in the freaking place yet.

* Wait, Spencer Hawes doesn’t suck? Even Shaq, the "Shogun of big men" is learning Hawes’ name.

College Basketball Links

* Get your Final Four storylines here! More analysis on the Final Four matchups by team.

* Video and analysis on how Michigan State’s offense wore out Louisville. I turned down the chance to go to this game, and boy, I should have stayed in Indianapolis! A pic or two of the games at Lucas Oil later this evening on the blog.

* Seth Curry is transferring from Liberty to Duke. He deserved better than some cut-rate non-basketball school in a low-level league. The education is far, far better in Durham. I hear at Duke, the girls are allowed to have sex, as well. In all seriousness, Duke, though? With guard after guard always coming in? And no big men to take the pressure off? Interesting, Steh Curry, interesting.

* Your 2009 college basketball All-Americans.

* Is Anthony Grant worth $2 million? Well, he doesn’t have the body of work that other coaches have, but $2 million ensures that Alabama won’t have to restructure his contract in a year if he does well. How the new Crimson Tide coach does will be interesting to watch, I’m rooting for him.

* The North Dakota State Bison men’s basketball team (who I had beating Kansas in my bracket, by the way) are volunteering along the Red River in Fargo, trying to stem the flood tide of the rising river.

And if you didn’t see the commercial over the weekend… Guitar hero Metallica commercial with Coach Mike Krzyzewski, Coach Bobby Knight, Coach Rick Pitino, and Coach Roy Williams.

Michael Phelps Can Get Real Stoned

February 4, 2009 Comments off

Hat tip to Eben, who clued me in to this Slate Explainer article:

…fans are wondering whether Phelps’ abnormally large lung capacity means he can take monster bong rips. Can he?

He can. Total lung capacity refers to the volume of air contained in the lungs at the point of “maximal” inspiration—i.e., the biggest breath you can take. It’s measured in liters. The greater a smoker’s total lung capacity, the more he can inhale from a given joint, bowl, or bong. According to some estimates, Phelps’ lung capacity is twice that of the average human, or 12 liters rather than six. So if he puts his mind to it, he can take a hit that’s twice as big as that of the next partygoer.

Categories: funny, Olympics, player issues

Bruce Springsteen’s Crotch in Camera Moment

February 3, 2009 Comments off

It’s mesmerizing, watching the Boss tight pants careen into a camera at during his Super Bowl halftime show. Hat tip to Kissing Suzy Kolber, but I have to keep this for posterity – after a cut, so as not to annoy regular readers who just come to the main blog page.

Read more…

Categories: funny, video

Linx: Terrible Towel for Good, Hewitt too Pricey to Fire, Citigroup Naming Rights, Super Bowl, Puppy Bowl and More

January 30, 2009 1 comment

It’s Chinese Lunar New Year! Underwater dragon, anyone? Folks still have confidence in Obama, and that’s good, he was sworn in less than 2 weeks ago! Illinois Governor is now Former Governor Blagojevich, after his eventful last day in office; new Governor Pat (Hallelujah) Quinn promises to “fumigate state government.” Some curious comments on The American Institute for Economic Research’s Cost of Living Guide.

US Airways Flight 1549 (the one famously waylaid by geese) passengers will get a year of free “elite status” upgrades; Wall Street Journal commenters think they’re greedy because of one guy’s comment saying it doesn’t go far enough. I think, like those people are going to be flying any more than they need to in the next year? Hells no. Speaking of the flight, Addicting Games is staying classy with a flight simulator game – just prevent the plane from crashing into the Hudson! I’ve been giggling all week about this article on East Breast, Penistone, and other embarassing names of British towns from the NY Times… and Tumbledown Dick Road. It never stops making me laugh.

I am such a sucker that I am going to be watching the Puppy Bowl this Sunday as well as the Superbowl… enjoy the puppy starting lineup. My wife’s big on Mercy (pictured below, photo courtesy of Animal Planet).

Mercy from 2009 Puppy Bowl

+ Those damned socialists in Congress (Kucinich and Republican Ted Poe are quoted) want Citigroup to ditch the $400 million deal for naming rights at the new Mets Stadium/ CitiField.

+ David Wells, still punk-ass after all these years. Who gives him a microphone? Oh yeah, other loudmouths. He calls Torre, ah, J-Fraud.

+ John Maine avoids arbitration and will make 2.6 million next year.

+ In college basketball, an auto-bid watch from Storming the Floor.

+ USA Today finds the recent college firings “disturbing“, and name-check Gary Williams, St. John’s Norm Roberts, and Ernie Kent. Addendum: an article on Ernie Kent and the new Matthew Knight arena opening in 2011. And why would Jeff Capel leave Oklahoma for Georgia, anyway?

+ Paul Hewitt, safe at Georgia Tech… in part because they can’t afford to fire Hewitt:

If that weren’t enough, there’s this: Hewitt’s contract renders him almost fireproof.

His deal was reworked in April 2004 after he led Tech to the NCAA title game. Dave Braine, the AD who hired Hewitt in 2000 and had seen his vision realized, rewarded his coach with a six-year contract that rolls over automatically and that provides a buyout in full for each remaining season if he’s fired “without cause” (meaning, just for losing).

Hewitt is making $1.9 million this season — $1.3 million in salary, $250,000 for radio/TV shows, $200,000 in speaking fees and $150,000 in deferred compensation. Were Tech to dismiss Hewitt today, it would owe him $9.5 million.

By way of contrast, Tech was compelled to pay Chan Gailey $4 million when it fired him as football coach, and Georgia is on the hook for $1.5 million after canning Dennis Felton.

Georgia’s athletics department is flush with cash. Tech’s is not. Tech is paying Gailey through 2011 not to coach, and it just handed Paul Johnson a 50 percent raise — to $2.4 million per season. Bottom line: Nobody is rooting harder for Hewitt than Radakovich.

Football Links!

+ Something awesome that I never knew about the Terrible Towel (I love my Terrible Towel!) – the proceeds go to a special needs school:

But the great part comes from what each of those towels does for people like Danny Cope, Myron’s son and Elizabeth’s older brother.

Myron Cope left behind something far more personal than a legacy of terrycloth, a battle flag for a city and its team. In 1996, he handed over the trademark to the Terrible Towel to the Allegheny Valley School. It is a network of campuses and group homes across Pennsylvania for people with severe intellectual and developmental disabilities. It receives almost all the profits from sales of the towels.

Danny Cope is one of the roughly 900 people the school serves. He has been a resident since 1982, when he was a teenager. He was diagnosed with severe mental retardation when he was 2. He is now 41.

+ The NFL is either losing money (according to the NFL Commissioner)… or flush with cash (according to the Players’ Association). Yes, there’s a Collective Bargaining Agreement that needs to be negotiated by both sides in the next couple of years.

+ Kurt Warner is not a Hall-of-Famer. Jason Whitlock apparently disagrees.

+ The NFL loves younger coaches these days.

+ Brett Favre doesn’t return Aaron Rodgers’ calls. Hasn’t for a year.

+ A Super Bowl Ad preview. Do they strike a “delicate balance” between upbeat and sympathetic?

And Barack Obama on the Super Bowl… he’s for Pittsburgh.

Linx: Cubs Suck, Football Pluck, Concussion Muck, Stimulus Bucks

January 29, 2009 Comments off

Congress signed a bill to ease rules on lawsuits from workers about pay discrimination; Even better, the US House of Reps passed a stimulus bill with no Republican votes! EAT THAT BIPARTISAN BURGER, you oppositional turds! Oh wait… there’s the Senate as well. Americans still fear Obama – oh, they would fear any president by this measure; and an interactive map of layoffs by state.

Isla Fisher Ilsa FisherGood thing I already got my wife a snuggie… my dad didn’t drink Canadian Club50 most loathsome Americans of 2008 from Obama to Palin, with YOU coming in at #43… Amy Fisher is doing porn – aren’t her 15 minutes well up by now?… Elizabeth Hasselbeck is pregnant, which means she has more yapyapyap to talk about, she might talk too much according to the traffic light rule of thumb (h/t to Kottke). How I Met Your Mother’s Cobie Smulders along with being recently engaged, is also pregnant and I swear that if the show works a baby into the storyline, I’m going to frown while I am watching. Don’t test me, HIMYM!

And Jessica Simpson is looking a little more thick Texas these days, apparently. I was going to accompany that with a picture of Ms. Simpson, but I will go with Isla Fisher instead. I like her last name, and she’s starring in Confessions of a Shopaholic, one of those critically tiring, early-year movies that are made from trashy beach novels.

Sports Links

+ Arizona Cardinals owner Bill Bidwell, basking in the glow of business and stadium decisions (and perhaps a bit of luck along with skill). Also, does the meaner look of new logos portend success? Maybe the Lions should have a pride of them eating a gazelle as a logo. And the Jets can have screaming jet fighters.

+ A study on the aftermath of concussions in football:

Recent findings that point to serious, permanent brain damage from football-related concussions have failed to alarm Super Bowl players.

A Boston University study unveiled this week uncovered new evidence concerning chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a degenerative brain disease caused by head trauma. Six former NFL players, all dead by 50, were found to have the condition, which doctors say can cause victims to lose control of their emotions, suffer depression and eventually, dementia.

+ Oh Lord. More Brett Favre drama. He will meet with Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum about his future. Expect breathless reporting, hedging, hemming, and groans from the NY fans and players, who want a full commitment from Brett Favre if he’s coming back. Can I drive Brett back to Mississippi? Please?

+ A fan or fans in St. Louis stomped out CUBS SUCK next to the Cardinals’ stadium in downtown St. Louis, in a size visible to buildings all around (and perhaps planes). I love that the ‘Lou is nothing if not consistent! Awesome work. I think this should be a sculpture.

+ Speaking of Cub suckitude, who actually trades FOR Aaron Heilman?

+ Wake Forest Coach Dino Gaudio uses tempo-free stats (h/t Rivals college basketball). You, sir, are a smart man.

+ (Already suspended) Miami guard Eddie Rios arrested for burglary and grand theft. I am so tempted to match the knuckleheadedness on the court to this action, but obviously, his on-court lack of control has nothing to do with crime. If he doesn’t get jail time, he’ll still be out of school in a matter of weeks.

+ David Beckham might stay in Europe?

+ There might be evidence that Barry Bonds used steroids besides “the cream” and “the clear”, as they lean hard on one of his associates:

Bonds was indicted in November 2007, and the authorities have since targeted [former trainer Greg] Anderson’s mother-in-law, Madeline Gestas, and Anderson’s wife, Nicole Gestas, in an effort to put more pressure on Anderson to testify. The authorities have focused on the finances of Madeline Gestas, a California businesswoman who has been the subject of tax liens. Nicole Gestas is also under investigation in connection with her own finances.

And Mark McGwire’s brother Jay is shopping a book talking about Mark McGwire’s ‘roid use. But no NY Times articles about that, or IRS leaning on his associates…

And check out the college coaches on the hot seat post. Who do you think should be added to the list (two of whom have been relieved of duty)?

Kobe Bryant Ankle Insurance Shoe Commercial

January 15, 2009 Comments off
Categories: funny, pro basketball, video

Go and Vote or Terry Tate will get you

November 4, 2008 Comments off

If you haven’t already.

Terry Tate speaks to Sarah Palin about the magazines she reads:

Categories: funny, politics
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