Top Ten Reasons the Giants beat the Packers on Sunday, or SUPERBOWL THAT HO!
I’m back from the East Coast and after 12 hours of travel, I’m happy to be in my apartment again. Watched the Giants/ Packers game with Silver and K in Boston, yelling at the television like we’ve been doing for twelve years or more. Good times.
How did this happen?
1. Because the bikini-clad Packer girls really distracted… Brett Farve. In -2 to -4 Fahrenheit temperatures, I’d be distracted by that too. Enjoy an article about them here.
2. [CUE DEEP BOOMING ANNOUNCER VOICE] For it was written in the great annals of sports four score and seven years ago, in a bunker filled with faith and heroism and bloviation, blah blah redemption, worthiness, tough choices, blah blah, second chance at disrupting perfection, yada yada.
3. Because Corey Webster decided that RW McQuarters’ gaffes were just too ridiculous. How you gonna fumble on a punt return and again on an interception? McQuarters, you’re a veteran! Plus the cold was freezing his manhood, and Webster needed to get back inside. So he had to intercept the ball. And he didn’t really jump the route—Driver slipped, Farve threw the pass well-too-inside, and Superbowl for the Giants!
4. Because… did you see how much Brett Farve sucked? It was like he was affected by the cold or something. Maybe he was tired of freezing his cockles like Corey Webster.
5. It’s all because Lawrence Tynes got used to razzing from a youth of being called a “Lucky Charm” after moving from Scotland, making him tough enough to withstand the Coughlin glare. Gave him the fortitude to kick that ball through in overtime and ensure that televisions up and down the east coast weren’t broken by flying glasses, shoes, and other symbols of frustration.
6. Because the Ryan Grant factor didn’t happen. No punishment from the Football Gods. The end man (back then) on the Giants’ running back depth chart made it happen in the second half—thanks, Ahmad Bradshaw.
7. Because Brett Farve angered the Football Gods who unleashed the dreaded Sports Illustrated Cover Jinx.
8. Because Plaxico Burress owns a hyperbaric chamber, Al Harris and his dredlocks just couldn’t hang. After this season with him playing on a bum foot, I can no longer call him “Plexiglass,” which brought me great joy. Maybe I will make fun of basketball players again.
9. Because Steve Spagnuolo, whose defense held Ryan Grant to 25 yards and intercepted Farve twice, is working hard for that Atlanta Falcons head coaching job. I don’t know why he’d want to coach that team, but I’m sure the money, fame, and perks are better. And he can always hang out with Pac Man Jones in the Atlanta strip clubs; apparently, they have some of the best food in America. Make it rain, Spagnuolo, make it rain.
10. Oh, hell, the Giants decided they wanted to see Soulja Boy during Superbowl week up close and personal. SUPERBOWL THAT HO! Spread the phrase.